The Marriage Myths You Probably Believe

By Dr. Brent A. Barlow

You have probably heard a lot of myths about marriage throughout your life. For example, “you won’t always be as interested in her as you are now,” or “you always have to agree to have a successful marriage.” Of course, you know that these are not true, but you have a hard time not believing them anyway. Here are 7 myths about marriage that you probably believe—and shouldn’t!

If You Love Each Other You Will Always Know What the Other Wants
Can you read minds? If so, that is amazing for you! Having a marriage or any relationship will be great. You will always know what your partner or spouse is thinking, feeling, wanting, or needing. However, for the rest of the population it is not that simple. You may often feel yourself thinking “I’m not a mind reader why do you think I should just know?!” Short answer: you shouldn’t and you aren’t going to. Do not put yourself through unrealistic expectations, realize that communication is key is knowing what your spouse wants.

Marriage Is Not That Hard; Finding the Person You Are Supposed to Be with Is Difficult
Yes, finding someone to be with you through life is difficult but not as difficult as making it happen. Everyone wants to be loved and love in return. Everyone wants to share their life with someone and grow old knowing they will be taken care of. What is most difficult is making sure that through the trials and tribulations of life that the marriage holds together. It is easy to find someone who will want to marry you, it is difficult to find someone who is willing to work hard to make it last.

Your Spouse Will Always Fulfill All Your Needs
This goes hand in hand with not always knowing what your spouse wants. You will not always fulfill the needs of your spouse and they will not always fulfill yours. Does this mean you give up on the relationship? Do you simply come to the realization that it can never work? Of course not! This is why communication is so important! Neither of you is a mind reader; sit down and talk to your spouse and find out how both of you can do better.

Arguments Cannot Be Anything But Detrimental
You are not always going to agree with your spouse. Yes, you have agreed to create a life together, but you are still individuals. Whether you have been married two months or twenty years, you are going to argue. However, it is up to you whether it makes your relationship stronger or become detrimental to your marriage. If you use arguments to examine yourself and find solutions that you both agree on you will make your marriage stronger and more likely to last.

You Can Be Equally Dedicated To Your Marriage, Family, and Career
As amazing as it would be you are not superman. You do not have 6 arms, the ability to turn back time, or the capability to do 50 things at once. Some men are lucky if they can be fully and equally dedicated to two of these things. For your sanity and the sanity of your spouse it is important to only be dedicated fully to the things that matter the most. Do you want a perfect marriage and to be an involved dad? Then maybe you need to downgrade your position in the office. Do you want to be the CEO of your company and have a successful marriage? Then, maybe you should talk about waiting at least a few more years to have children or agree to never have kids. You cannot do it all, life demands that sacrifices be made. IF you try too hard to dedicate yourself to all three of these things, you are going to burn yourself out and hurt both your marriage and family.

Differences in Need Should Always Be Negotiated
Negotiations and compromises are an important part of marriage; you cannot always have what you want and neither can your spouse. However, neither you nor your spouse should always negotiate about your needs in the relationship; from interaction with the kids, expenses, and even the bedroom, you do not always have to compromise and negotiate. Do something for your spouse without trying to get something out of it yourself and then they will do the same for you. Marriage is not about having everything you want, it is about making sure that you and your spouse are happy sharing a life together.

If They Really Loved You: They Would Change
Someone can love you as much as they want, but that does not mean they will or even can change their personality or routines. If your spouse has jealousy issues do not expect them to be able to overcome them easily. It is going to take work and loving you does not have anything to do with that. In marriage it is often “what you see is what you get.” Never assume your spouse will change after you tie the knot, assume that they will remain the same; at least in the short run. If you both work together you can change some aspects but never assume that is how it will be for everything you do not like about them.